


It Was Bucky

by CapConspicuous



Category: Captain America (Movies), Marvel Cinematic Universe
Genre: Angst, Captain America: The Winter Soldier, Captain America: The Winter Soldier Compliant, M/M, MY BABIES, Stucky - Freeform, pre-serum steve flashbacks, pre-war stucky flashbacks, steve has flashbacks, that one epic fight scene at the end of the movie, the winter soldier meta?, yeah - Freeform
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-12-01
Updated: 2016-12-01
Packaged: 2018-09-03 12:59:13
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,858
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8714860
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/CapConspicuous/pseuds/CapConspicuous
Summary: It was Bucky.All along, it was Bucky. Steve cannot get past that. It's him. Bucky-- the Winter Soldier-- stabs a knife into Steve's shoulder but all he can think is, it's Bucky. But it's not.





	

**Author's Note:**

> Reminder: Steve Rogers is a raging bisexual HOWEVER this fic is less romance and more angst to be honest. A mix between a retelling of the last fight scene in CA:TWS and also pre-war flashbacks from Steve's point of view. They break my heart, seriously 3
> 
> KUDOS AND COMMENTS AND I LOVE YOU

It was Bucky.

All along, it was Bucky. Steve cannot get past that. It's him. Bucky-- the Winter Soldier-- stabs a knife into Steve's shoulder but all he can think is, it's Bucky. But it's _not._

No, no, no, no, _no, no, no--_

That is all he can feel. It isn't even an emotion. It's just a string of resounding 'no's because this is all too wrong, just so, _so_ wrong.

With every sidestep, every blow, Steve withdraws a little in his head, trying to find a compartment in his mind where this could make sense. He can't find it. He can't find a single corner where solace could be hiding, nor a single space where understanding could strike.

Just no, no, no, _no, no, no, no--_

He throws up an arm, and Buck-- the Winter Soldier's metal one counters it. A spin to the right and Buc- his opponent's knife slashes inches from his face. There's wind whistling and metal clanging and-

No, _no, no, no--_

There's burning fuse where Steve's heart should be, it burns smaller and smaller with every kick and every time he ducks another retaliating blow. His shield is nearly constantly ringing with vibrations from the Winter Soldier's attacks and every time Steve whirls in time to glimpse a sight of Bucky's face, his breath catches.

It's the Winter Soldier.

But that's Bucky's face.

No, no, no, _no, no, no, no, no, no, no--_

Time is fluid and of no matter now, coming from a man who was trapped in ice for seventy years, and in no time at all, Steve has the soldier in a choke hold. His leg braced over the metal arm, his arm wrapped around--

_"Bucky, give it back!" Steve is smaller and can't quite reach the object grasped in the older boy's hand._

_"Naw, Stevie, you hafta reach it." Bucky smirks, holding the small circular pin even higher over Steve's head. "It's easy."_

_Steve jumps again, to no avail. "No, Bucky, S'not!" If pure determination could have propelled him, Steve could have jumped over Bucky's head, but if only. Still, part of him enjoys the give and take of Bucky's teasing; Steve knows he'll give the pin back eventually._

_"C'mon, Steve," Bucky's laugh is horribly infectious, "Come and get it!" And he's off, running to the other side of the room in a flash, until Steve manages to tackle him to the floor._

_The smaller boy gives a whoop of triumph, pinning Bucky to the ground. "Give it back, Buck-- You gotta-"_

_"Who says?" the challenge is accompanied by Bucky's wriggling, an attempt to escape Steve's grasp, but Steve is still quick. He loops his skinny, stick-like arms around Bucky's neck and places his knee on his back--_

There's a fire in the Winter Soldier's eyes as he struggles, eyes so like Bucky's. Steve yells at him, implores him to drop the chip, to no avail. Thrashing like a wild animal nearly throws Steve off, but he adjusts his grip to be tighter, puts more pressure and-

There's the sickening crack of a shoulder being dislocated--

_The sound of Bucky's exaggerated gagging as he lets his eyes roll up into the back of his head nearly fools Steve, if it isn't for the hint of a smile tugging at those lips._

_"Bucky, please?" If begging is what it takes, Steve is willing to do it. He gives Bucky's overly limp body and extra shake before crawling off. It takes a moment of silence, but then Bucky is sitting up again, smiling like a Devil's advocate and holding out the pin._

_"Why should I?" He raises an eyebrow._

_"Because I found it- a-and--" Steve stutters angrily._

_"Just kidding," Bucky, rolling his eyes, interrupts before Steve can get all riled up again, "You won, punk." Carefully, he reaches toward the collar of Steve's much-too-big shirt, "Here, lemme pin it on for you."_

The raspy breathing finally slows as all tension drains from the Winter Soldier's body. Steve watches his hand go limp and snatches the chip when it falls out. He can't help but throw the body off of him, skin crawling with the absolute wrongness of it all.

He's gotta replace the chip, he has to-

The truth is, Steve is never going to be used to how physically apt he is at scaling large heights and swinging himself over bars. He's never going to get used to being a superhero or--

The bullet feels like a hammer right through his lower thigh- he's been shot again-- the Winter Soldier shot him again. It angers him and makes him feel utterly helpless at the same time. But that can't matter, he has to replace the-

Another bullet, too close to his head,

And another, into his back

And another.

_And another._

And no, no, _no, no, no, no--_

Like fire in his abdomen that rears its ugly head at his back, his thigh, his arm-- But Steve has to do it. He has to. The whole helicarrier feels like it's shaking, but it's probably just him, probably just him losing blood and trembling and anticipating another shot, another bullet hole-- but would it make a difference? Would it? Another hole, another shot taken at him? Just riddle him full of wounds and tears, why didn't anyone? It makes no difference.

Steve slams S.H.I.E.L.D's chip into the compartment fiercely, knowing his job is done. It's over, isn't it? _Why can't it all just be over?_

They're falling. Maybe. The sky is torn apart with the sound of firing guns and God knows what else. Losing altitude feels a lot like losing blood, and okay, maybe Steve is resigned to die. Again. He kinds of wants it.

He just wants that silence again. He wants to die knowing he's at least done what was needed and--

And the Winter Soldier is trapped. Bucky, who is trapped inside there somewhere, who is actually the Winter Soldier, is trapped. Or is the Winter Soldier Bucky? Steve can't tell. He doesn't really want to. He's too dazed and hurt to handle it all.

But Bucky is there.

Getting down to where the Winter Soldier is involves a whole lot of falling. It jostles his bones and makes the blood pour even harder, but what's he got to lose? More blood, probably.

The whole aircraft crashing into something else, raining destruction down on someplace with everything to lose, but Steve just really wants to move the hunk of metal pinning the soldier down. Maybe if he saves him- Maybe if he shows his intentions-

Yet it is not Bucky who stares so coldly at him. It can't be.

But Bucky is there. Somewhere, down there, Steve's best friend is trapped. And Steve's gotta rescue him- has to do everything he can-

The Winter Soldier's screams though- they ache. Denial and rage and the sound of desperation incarnate. Steve's shield falls silently, an naked act to show his surrender, to show his faith-

And the soldier screams again. He doesn't know _Steve._ He doesn't know _himself._ Every word hurts worse than the punches to Steve's face, every syllable another stab at his heart.

But Steve clings onto his faith.

Steve's face is beat to hell on one side, practically numb, and his lip is split. But he mutters the words. He pays no mind to the fist about to come down, but finds Bucky's eyes behind that wild hair and offers the words- his last resort. He offers the words like Bucky had once offered him, so many years ago and--

An eternity of shock.

An eon of recognition.

And it all comes crashing down.

_No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no- he was so close--_

Falling again and again, just fading in and out of consciousness as the air builds up behind Steve's back- just falling and not even a breath drawn enough to scream. So this is what Bucky felt. He reaches up toward nothing and plummets--

The water's impact is a wash of cold and roaring silence. Sinking feels like resignation, and feels familiar, like the first time. It feels like--

_Sputtering and coughing, with water in his lungs and his nostrils, Steve could not be worse at swimming. In fact, he almost drowned. The pool's chlorine is irritating and tastes disgusting, not to mention how horrible it feels when he seems to have swallowed half of the pool._

_Bucky is quick to wrap a towel around him and make sure Steve sits at the edge where he's no longer in danger. "You alright?" He is worried again, hands at ready to pound at Steve's skinny back._

_Water drips from Steve's hair, collecting on his eyelashes and is basically a nuisance. The cold assaults him now that he is no longer in the water and heaving gulps of air only make him tremble harder._

_"Y-Yeah," He stutters, trying his best to wipe his face dry with wet, shaking hands, "Thanks?"_

_"You'd better thank me," the irritation is nearly absent from Bucky's jab, "Don't you ever do that again, you hear?"_

_"Swim?" Steve gives the other boy a dubious glance from beneath dripping lashes, "You know I can't not-"_

_"You could at least learn how," Bucky begins to vigorously rub the towel over Steve's frame, "You almost drowned- don't ever ask me to take you swimming again-"_

_Steve is still shaking, though now it's mostly because of Bucky's towel. "So, you mean I should just go by myself then?"_

_The rubbing stops abruptly, until Steve starts shivering again. Bucky gives a growl, something about the nerve of Steve, but eventually calms down when Steve ceases quivering. "Now are you better?" He sounds exasperated._

_"Uh-huh," Steve nods, splashing his feet in the water. Perhaps Bucky can tell how eager he is to get back in, and he already knows that nothing is going to stop Steve. The sturdier boy gives a relenting sigh as he slips back into the water and turns back to Steve._

_He holds out his hand, somewhat impatiently._

_"Well, come on then, I've gotta try to teach you," Bucky sighs again, "I'm not going to be able to save you from drowning forever."_

Water slowly makes its way up Steve's windpipe, before suddenly he seems to empty the entire contents of his stomach onto the mud next to him.

Mud?  
His head pounds and his eyesight is blurry somehow, but it's bright. And there is mud squishing beneath his fingers as he tries and fails to push himself off the ground.

Spasms wrack his body in waves, sending riptides of pain ripping up and down. His vision starts fading again, but he hangs onto his last shred of consciousness for as long as he can.  
He had been drowning- he _would_ have drowned. But someone saved him.

No one else knew where he had been. Not a single other soul or they would have rescued him out of the helicarrier.

Steve knows. Someone pulled him out of that water. Someone he knew.

Some had saved Steve, and it wasn't the Winter Soldier.

It was _Bucky._


End file.
